I realised something fundamentally important today about values.
I’ve often heard – from people, books, and articles – that we are all driven by our internal values. Our decisions, actions, motives, and even fears stem from within. These values aren’t all equal, either. They form a hierarchy, a kind of internal priority system. Every time we decide to act – or not act – our mind evaluates the situation against this hierarchy, usually without us even realising it. I think it then communicates that decision through feelings. We feel something, and then act. I’m not sure if that’s exactly how it works, but it feels right to me for now.
The real insight, though, is this: those who know their values – and the order of importance between them – can navigate life much more clearly. They act based on what truly matters to them, not what’s expected, not envy, not dreams borrowed from others. More importantly, when your values are clear, you can communicate them. In your personal life, in business, in relationships – everywhere.
Another big point: values don’t change. Full stop. Terms change, life changes, circumstances shift, jobs come and go, businesses evolve – but values stay. That core doesn’t move.
All this wasn’t new to me. I’ve heard it from many sources, and it always felt true. But here’s where things got interesting…
You might now ask: Okay, so what are my values?
That’s the problem I kept bumping into. I’ve tried many times to write mine down. To define, label, sort them. But they never stuck. On paper, they looked nice. But just nice. Likely still shaped by external influences, expectations, necessities. And the part that always troubled me was – if values don’t change, why did mine seem to shift every time I sat down to define them?
But today, I had a breakthrough.
It’s not that those were the wrong values. It’s that I hadn’t defined them clearly enough, or in the right order. What I wrote down wasn’t a reflection of my true values – it was a reflection of how I defined them at the time. And that definition was clouded by mood, environment, or whatever I was going through in that moment.
That’s the gold nugget right there.
The solution? Write your values down. Then review and tune them regularly – after every success, setback, failure, emotional trigger. Because feelings are the messenger. They hint at what truly matters underneath. When something hits you hard or fills you with joy, ask: Why did I feel that? What value was at play? What matters to me here that I hadn’t noticed before? Then tune. Again and again. You’re not changing the values – you’re refining the definition, getting closer to the truth each time.
Will we ever fully define our values with perfect clarity? Probably not. But we can get pretty damn close, if we keep reviewing, reflecting, and iterating.
It’s like software: version 1, version 2, version 2.1, 2.1.1… Major release, minor patch, bug fix – you name it.
So yeah, I’ve finally made peace with that nagging thought. It is true that values don’t change. What changes is how we define them. And each definition brings us one step closer.
One big question still lingers though: how are values born in the first place? Do they evolve? Are they really unchangeable? And if someone holds onto poor or harmful values – can those be changed?
But those are questions for another time. For now, none of that matters unless we first identify our true current values. Only then can we begin to work with them.
So, Version 1 – coming soon.
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